Buying Happiness
by Tysoyo Kalli
Summary: Is there a way to buy happiness? And if you can, is it alright to exist in the fake happiness? Even if it feels so good?


Disclaimer: Erm... this was... VERY Random for me. I don't own anyone in this. No one at all *sigh* oh well...  
  
Time Frame: It starts at like... 3 years after the war, no Marimaya at all, and it travels on into 10 years after the war I believe.  
  
Note: *Huggling Miguel* OH THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!! YOU ACTUALLY MADE A LONG FIC!!!  
  
Miguel- erm... yeah your welcome Kalli-chan.  
  
^_^; I've been messing with this idea since the beginning of summer. And while washing the dishes, my beautiful, wonderful, muse whispered in my ear what to write! And I got it all done in one swing!  
  
Miguel- ^_^;; she's giving me so many compliments.  
  
ANYWAYS, this is my latest GW fic in a while. I've been stuck in Angel Sanctuary and Weiss Kreuz and been reading Petshop of Horrors, but I finally got it out! Thank you MIGUEL!!  
  
Warning: Um... drug abuse? Some sexual reference, and bad spelling and TOTALLY ooc. But that was kinda the point cause its really speeding threw time so fast. ^_^ thank you so much to all those who chose to read this. I'm eternally grateful to you!  
  
Buying Happiness  
  
____----====----_____  
  
I find it amazing how your whole life can just turn completely around and just shatter before your eyes. Just everything falling to pieces in your hands. Everything you had worked for. Everything you wanted to live for, just thrown away. All hope pressed from your brain because they go with someone else. And you want to be happy, and all you can feel is jealousy and hatred as they smile cheerfully in happiness.  
  
Everything... everything just falls apart.  
  
And you can't help but do things, you normally would never do.  
  
Take me for example. Would you guess that I am in a rehab for drugs? Could you guess that I am... addicted to speed and to heroine?  
  
Rather humorous if you ask me. At least... I think it might be. But then again, that's just me. And it happened to me. So to others its just hilarious to them. No doubt.  
  
And its all his fault. Stupid boy, toying with other's hearts. Telling them lies, so you could work them to your advantage. Everything you could have ever asked for... drowning away.  
  
For me... my addictions started because I couldn't keep up. I had to much paper work. To much to do. Not enough free time. And I was depressed. I had walked on the streets by myself, because being stubborn as I am, I felt I did not need a car.  
  
I guess I just gave off that vibe that attracted the wrong people to me. Because well... this guy, short, dirty and sickly looking showed up before me. He offered me something, saying "I needed a break from reality. That this would boost up everything in my life and make me perfectly fine with whatever is bothering me. Be it love or work. Just forty dollars for a three week trial."  
  
And being as low as I felt at that moment, I bought it quickly and took it home. It was some pills. Simple looking pills. Red pills. So I took them.  
  
I have no clue where my common sense went to.  
  
But as soon as they dissolved into my blood stream.... I felt so.... alive. I could do ANYTHING! I was on top of my world! I completed my work the quickest I have ever done before. Record time! I cleaned up my home. Everything spotless! I felt like my old self. I started to argue with the walls, the floors! I was so grateful to this! There was JUSTICE to my WORLD again!  
  
I fell asleep the happiest I have ever been since that day my best friend married his secret lover...  
  
After he had told me he loved me more than anyone else in the world. And that I mattered so much... that he would do anything for me. For me! Ha! What lies I could believe!  
  
I took these tiny little red pills every day. For the three weeks trial. Everything had looked up. I suddenly was back on task. I could finally work. My boss, she was so happy that I was back from my slump. She was thinking about firing me before but all her doubts where gone.  
  
I called them my Happiness. Though I would have troubles sleeping. I couldn't stay down for that long. But that didn't faze me that much. I would just take... some benadryl and would be out like a light!  
  
Its almost funny now... how easily I was... captured. That easy energy. Yes that was what made it worth it all. Because I could be happy without being happy.  
  
Soon... my dealer, Kokute, was giving me other things to try out. And I would try them. Easily. Kokute became my best friend. The best of the best friends that I had ever had. He didn't betray me. He just simply gave me Happiness. Utter and complete Happiness. And Sally, she was grateful that I had finally gotten over that marriage.  
  
No one noticed that slowly... slowly I was deteriating. Slowly. I started to skip work. Having no time now for such petty things. Everything that I needed was at home.  
  
I hadn't stayed in touch with anyone. No one mattered to me. No one. I was myself and me alone. I needed no one but a syringes and my Happiness.  
  
I stopped going to work all together. I fell hard. Hard into this addiction of mine. Though I wouldn't recognize it as an addiction cause... I didn't get addicted to drugs. I was in control. I controled everything that happened to me. And yet I didn't...  
  
That was the scary part. The fact that I really didn't have any control.  
  
I needed quick money so I could have... everything that I needed. My pills... My Happiness...  
  
I needed a way to make it quick. I told Kokute that I was broke, but I needed some more Happiness. He smirked at me. Saying simply, "Listen, man, I can't get you anything, unless you get me money. Do something then, ya know, to get it. I'll keep yours for a few days until you got money again."  
  
The way he said it, he meant something. I knew I wasn't going to have the $300 for everything that I needed. I had to get money some way else...  
  
I stood there... thinking about how could I get some money... when a guy, rather old, and burly came up to me and smirked. A knowing smirk.  
  
He told me he'd give me 200 flat if I sucked him off. It surprised me. Just the way he said it. '200 flat if you suck me off' something to insincere about it. But it was money... quick money... I told him I would do it.  
  
We went down the alleyway... together. He unzipped his pants, and well... I blew him. He gave me the money, and walked off. I held 200 dollars in my hands just for blowing someone for like 10 minutes. Piece of cake. It surprised me so much. I went back to that corner again and waited. Testing to see if anyone would come and ask for it again. And someone did!  
  
A woman this time! She wanted someone to be with her for a few hours. Maybe get high a bit, and to fuck. I blinked. I had never actually... touched a woman, nor a man, except for that guy that I blew just moments before, I smiled at her. She said she'd pay me almost 400 dollars for about 5 hours of my time. I told her to pay me now 300 hundred and she has a deal.  
  
I had my drugs, and a woman to fuck me senseless and I was being paid for it!  
  
It was almost to good to be true. Almost. Almost....  
  
My money ran out. I realized that that way was so quick. So easy, that well... it made everything work.  
  
Everything.  
  
Now... I'm not stupid. No, I'm far from it. Completely far from being stupid. I was just in need. I needed quick money. I needed to be happy. I needed my Happiness. I had to buy my Happiness, but that didn't faze me. No not at all!  
  
I lived in bliss like this for almost five years. Three solid years. Complete utter Happiness...  
  
Until I had found out that Duo... my beloved, precious Duo, had died. He was murdered by his own true love. Who then killed himself. Because, because he wanted to be with his lover after his suicide. Or so said the note he left. Overly romantic. And I was required to go to the funeral. Or so commanded the blonde. But I didn't care... at least, I didn't think I did. Its always hard to tell with emotions sometimes.  
  
But I got another letter saying that they needed me. Like I needed my Happiness they needed me to be strong for them. Strong. Strong. Strong. I wasn't strong. But they wanted me to be.  
  
Someone who could live on his own for so long. It had been almost 10 years after the war. Such a long time. Almost too long, to long to remember.  
  
So I went to this funeral.  
  
And I went to the grave site with these people.  
  
And we didn't talk.  
  
Not one of us.  
  
Everyone was mute with the lost of the Perfect Soldier, and the Joker.  
  
I remembered a time.. so long ago... that I had labeled everyone. Duo was the Joker, always smiling to hid his pain he held. He once told me all about what happened to him. And how he wanted nothing more than to die at some points when he would just lye in some bed. Until he had found the true meaning of being with someone he loved. He loved to be in my arms. And in his arms.  
  
Him. That boy who stole away my Duo. My joker. The Perfect Soldier. Stupid boy... ruined everything I had with Duo.  
  
The rest of us... we just stood there... lost in our own thoughts. The Silent one kept looking at me oddly. Probly because I had changed so much that it was almost hard to recognize me. My hair was long. Longer than the last time he saw me. Mid back I believed. Still pulled back. Only loosely. With hair all over the place. I had lost weight, due to my Happiness, and I felt so drawn up looking at the grave that said 'In loving memory, Fearful Fighter, Caring friend, Duo Maxwell Yuy' I had... baggy pants. But a tight fitting shirt that exposed a lot of flesh.  
  
The Princess had provided a proper American funeral for Duo. Heero's funeral had yet to take place. It being more on the Japanese level than on the American. So different with each other.  
  
How could they have lived together.  
  
We stayed with the Princess, who was crying so much. I was just like her in some ways. As soon as I had gotten into room I had to have my Happiness.  
  
But Quatre, the Lover, showed up as I drowned down the red Happiness. He stared at me strangely. Knowing exactly what had happened to me. He knew. I could tell with that soft, sad glare he had on me. Everything.... and I just grinned at him. Enthralled into my beautiful awareness that nothing was wrong with me anymore. So what if my best friend, my ex-lover type was dead! I was myself and I was free!  
  
Lover yelled to me. Told me to snap back into reality. To wake up.  
  
And thats when I did the unthinkable. I slided over to him. Pressed body fully against him. Touched him in the places I had learned that drives people nuts and makes them want to just ripp off all clothing and fuck you senceless.  
  
But he stared at me.. almost... sad. I could feel him harden, and I wanted that. I wanted him to want me. To want my Happiness. To want to be part of the Happiness I had!  
  
How silly of me it was. But I kept at it. And soon... soon... I had done it to him. I made him make love to me...  
  
We awoke together, intangled together. I had fallen asleep at some point. He held me so tightly. He was crying when I woke up. I stared at him. Wondering what had happened to make him cry.  
  
He realized that I was awake, and he told me I needed help. That I was killing myself. Everything. And I just laughed at him. As he held me crying. He held me so tightly. Almost as though he never wanted to let go of me.  
  
But soon... they came. The Silent one. Simple and beautiful Trowa. He wanted me to go to dinner with him... but... he caught me in an odd moment he did! How funny of him. To catch me like this. Quatre told him everything. Right there... and Trowa just stared at me in disbelief.  
  
I realized I had trek marks covering my arms. Bruised and sore, and scabbed and.... and everything.  
  
They are making me go here... to this rehab. Quatre is sitting with me. Holding my hand, petting it lovingly. Like something I had seen before.  
  
The way that Duo used to pet my hand. When we had been our 'lover' type. Though a virgin to sex we had experienced love between us. But... no with Quatre holding my hand.. something so utterly unreal happened. He was showing love as he expained everything to the person behind the desk. Holding my hand he took me as far as he could. And before.... before he left me. He kissed me. Kissed me so lightly. So tenderly. So caste that I almost... I almost cried. Because... because it became real to me. Everything.  
  
This man, full grown, with everything he needed in his business... love me too. He whispered it so quietly into my ear. Telling me... telling me that...  
  
"I love you Wufei.." 


End file.
